Many years ago, I read a description of the "perfect internal auditor." It was so great I kept it:
The perfect internal auditor
Results of a computerized survey indicate that perfect internal auditors complete the average audit in 15 minutes, the difficult in 30 minutes.
They discover and disclose all weaknesses in the controls, but never upset anyone.
They make $60 a week [which tells you how old this is], drive nice cars, wear good clothes, and contribute $50 a week to various company functions, birthday presents, retirement presents, et cetera.
Perfect internal auditors smile all the time with a straight face because they have a nice sense of humor that keeps them seriously dedicated to their work.
They complete 15 to 30 audits a day, review 10 to 15 new or revised controls, type all their audit programs, produce an annual audit budget that anticipates all company growth and allows for all changes. They maintain a perfect set of working papers that the external auditors use without question. They write comprehensive audit reports that read like a fine novel and are understood by all who read them. They are people with a velvet touch, the perfect answer, diplomat par excellence.
They do all their audit work in the auditees' work area and are always in their offrices when needed.
How has this changed? How would you describe the perfect internal auditor in 2012, perhaps allowing improved efficiency through the use of technology?